Freedom and Isolation: How Community Members Are Managing During the Pandemic

Caeli and Alice Rieger at home with chickens their family bought during the pandemic. Photo: Lysa Rieger

The morning begins with my toddler eating a bowl of cereal on one side of the dining room table while, on the other side, my eldest updates her ninth grade English teacher on what she’s reading this week. At some point, my seventh grader will run into the kitchen to grab a bagel in a 5-minute break between classes because she’d rather sleep in than wake up in time to eat breakfast. I hear the kettle whistle, and then my husband moving around in the kitchen. He is preparing tea before retreating into his office. 

My first grader is usually the last one out of his room. A luxury of being home-schooled. He moves the magnets around on his calendar to reflect the day. Date. Temperature. Weather. I read to him and his brother before setting them up with independent activities so I can try to get in an hour or two of work before we go out for our daily walk. 

On the best days, this all resembles a well choreographed dance we do with and around each other. On the more challenging days, it feels like chaos. 

Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, my family is home all the time. I love that. I love that my kids get to sleep more. That I am able to listen in on their classes. I love that my husband and I get to gather in the kitchen midmorning to chat, like co-workers at the water cooler. 

But I am sad that I didn’t get one more leisurely visit with my grandmother at her house last spring before she died. I missed cooking alongside my sister-in-law at Thanksgiving. My best friend just bought a new house in the Hudson River Valley, and I don’t know when I’ll see it in person. 

Many of us are doing our best to embrace the freedoms created by this moment in history, while also struggling with its isolation. No matter our circumstances, the pandemic has forced us all to adjust. To adapt. To forge new ways to connect with one another. 

Independence and Collaboration

“In some ways, I feel less isolated than I do in normal school,” says Lysa Rieger. Rieger is a math teacher at Strath Haven High School and the mother of two daughters in the district. She says COVID-19 has brought about more collaboration within and across departments. “I’ve made a whole new group of friends at work among my colleagues, because we’re all trying to solve this big problem together.”

Rieger’s younger daughter Alice, a fifth grader at Swarthmore-Rutledge School, says she has found her freedom playing soccer and eating lunch in town with friends, or sometimes on her own. She has learned that she likes time alone, and outdoor sports have offered a social outlet that she recognizes many of her peers don’t have. 

Caeli, Rieger’s ninth grader, finds freedom in the flexibility of virtual classes. “I was able to log off 45 minutes early for one of my classes because our assignment was very independent,” she says.  

While the Riegers are grateful for the time they have been able to spend with their immediate family, they miss being able to go on vacation and spend time with friends. They skipped their annual trip to Oregon this year, marking the first time in Lysa’s life she hasn’t been on the West Coast during the summer. As we head into the winter and spending time outside becomes more challenging, they are wrestling with having no break from being in the house. They have each other, but they are isolated from their greater community. Andy Rieger says, “That’s the toughest part.”

Staying Busy

Plush Mills, the senior living community in Wallingford where Ken Wright lives, has been closed to the outside world several times during the pandemic. But, despite the restrictions, Wright has been feeling surprisingly free.

During his years at Plush Mills, Wright was the primary caregiver for two wives who have since died. His first wife had multiple sclerosis, and his second wife, who died last spring, suffered from Alzheimer’s. These last few months are the longest stretch in decades where Wright has not been caring for a spouse. He says, “I have a freedom for the first time that I have never felt before.”

Although Wright is now settled into a routine, the beginning of the pandemic was hard. When his wife Joan died in April, none of his family could be with him. “It was a tough time,” he says. “I’d never been alone. When my wife died, I had no one.”

By now, the isolation of living alone during COVID no longer much bothers Wright. It helps that he is comfortable with the computer. Last winter, he wrote a series of columns for the Swarthmorean about life at Plush Mills. He has started a number of clubs, including a wine club and a book club. “We’re shut down,” he says. “But I’m filled with stuff to do.”

Making Adjustments

Elisabeth Miller on Swarthmore College’s campus this fall. Photo: Hannah Watkins

Elisabeth Miller is a senior at Swarthmore College. Because she is a resident advisor, she was on campus this fall, even though the majority of juniors and seniors were not permitted to return. But most of her core friends were not there with her. Rather than fretting about the isolation, Miller took this as an opportunity. She was able to step outside the “cliquey nature that comes with being at a small school” and develop new friendships. 

She also found that there were benefits to spending less time in social situations. “I was able to become more comfortable being alone with myself,” she says. “I had the freedom to explore myself without some of the pressures of social situations where you have to be ‘on’.”  

Miller is now back home in a small town in Illinois completing her fall final exams virtually. While she is grateful for her time on campus, this is not the way she had imagined concluding her time in college. “It’s hard to think of yourself living a life in the real world when no one’s really out living their lives in the real world.”

There is no instruction manual on how to navigate our present circumstances. We are finding freedom where we can, and minimizing our isolation whenever possible. We are all learning how to survive a pandemic.